1 Year

 

I truly do not know how I have survived a full year without Bridget. My world has been shattered. Everything that I was…everything that Bridget taught me to be…has just simply vanished. Writing has always brought me so much joy…even during the difficult times. However, now my words are lost and scrambled. Today, while working through a difficult onslaught of emotions…I found myself reading the words I wrote for Bridget’s funeral. I am grateful to Ruby, our bereavement counselor/Hospice Chaplain, for sharing my words when I was unable to do so myself. I wanted to share them with you today. 

Grief is often times unbearable. Thank you for keeping us going as we hit the one year mark.

Bridget Elizabeth 

My beautiful Bridget. Since you went to heaven, the world has seemed so dark. For so many years I lived and breathed YOU. From spending every day together in summertime, late nights where you refused to sleep, endless doctors appointments, and the final days of your life…I have loved you. You are a part of me, and always will be. 

The moment that last breath escaped your frail body, I thought I might shatter into a million pieces. I’m finding it difficult to not be angry with your syndrome.

So much of my time, energy, and attention was spent trying to keep you healthy. I lived to keep you alive. And now that you’re not here…I am attempting to figure out how to carry on.

I realized, though, that it wasn’t just me trying to keep YOU healthy. YOU were keeping US alive. You had an effortless way of positively affecting everyone around you. Your syndrome does not define the light that you were. You gave us purpose and hope, even during your darkest of times. Your strength, courage, and pure heart kept us going before you left us, and will continue to live on inside of us until we are able to be reunited.

I will see you again in many different forms. I will see you in the twinkling of the Christmas tree lights that you so loved to look at. I will see you in the flickering flame of every burning candle. And I’ll see you in the glimmering stars when I talk to you each night. You made this world a brighter place, and we will continue to allow you to let your light shine from heaven.  

I will love you forever and ever. -Mom